I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
