where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
