you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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