i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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