well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
