Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
