she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
