I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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