walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
