dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
