How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
