Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
