One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
