my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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