You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
