How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Four minutes until I can fart!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
