Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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