Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
