Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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