its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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