i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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