im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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