Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
