i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
