he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
