1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
