I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
