Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He shit in the fireplace
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
