u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
