thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
