she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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