Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
