guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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