Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
