I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
