I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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