Don't you send me to vm
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
