Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My pussy is not your playground.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
