at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
