drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
