I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
