I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
