my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
