its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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