the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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