I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
