Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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