Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
