Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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