You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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