Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
